How to be a Gray Man

The Psychology Behind The Gray Man

The Reticular Activating System is the part of the brain that responds to anything that stands out. How the brain works is that it basically blurs all the stimuli that it’s used to into the background until the RAS is stimulated. Seeing a family member or a significant other usually blurs into the background – you don’t usually notice what clothes they wear unless it’s something new, and you don’t usually notice their face until they get a haircut.

The brain conserves your energy this way, because if it paid full attention to every detail in every environment at every waking moment, we’d be exhausted by breakfast. 

It is when we encounter anything faster, louder, brighter than ordinary, that the reticular activating system signals us to pay attention. This means that when SHTF and disaster and hysteria become the norm, anyone who looks geared up and prepared becomes a flashing lighthouse and a sorry target for the desperate and helpless public.

Benefits of Being A Gray Man

Being a gray man takes a lot of preparation and practice, but it is a valuable skill to acquire because of its benefits. Here are some of the reasons why being a gray man can come in handy:

  • You can take refuge or leave a bad situation easily. Whether you’re bugging out or bugging in, you can inconspicuously leave a harmful situation when everything you do is on the down low.
  • You are less likely to be targeted by crime or any inconvenience. Being a gray man allows you to be unnoticeable so you can prepare and survive without interruptions or worry. On some occasions, being a survivalist comes with hate. There’s even a term coined for it — “survivalist hate.” When you become a gray man, you do not raise any flags and you do not attract any hate. In turn, you’re able to prepare in peace without the fear of being subject to violence or crime.
  • Your food and gear are kept secure. When you’re a gray man, no one suspects that you’re prepared. Your food and water stocks, as well as gear are kept secure when it is out of everyone else’s radar. People will not come knocking at your door for help at your inconvenience. 

How To Look Like A Gray Man

The first rule of being a gray man is to not create any stimuli that may single you out from the crowd. From your clothing, EDC, accessories, and what have you, it’s best to be gray.


When you’re dressing for the day as a gray man, here are some of the things you need to consider: 


 To be a gray man, you must blend into the surroundings, wherever that might look like.

You don’t necessarily have to dress up in all gray, although that could be helpful in an urban city. Blend into the baseline of your surroundings by looking like the average of the populace.

Being a gray man for dummies # 1: Do not wear a hoodie when it’s blazing hot outside and don’t wear sunglasses when the weather is gloomy. When you’re bugging out in the woods, wear a camouflage print to blend in. When you’re in a rural area, you might want to wear a warmer, earthier palette. 

Remember that the circumstances aren’t interchangeable. You will stick out like a sore thumb when you wear a camouflage print in the city and vice-versa.

Avoid Logos or Emblems

When you wear a logo or emblem on any clothing, you might as well shout to the crowd and introduce yourself. Associating yourself with a familiar stimulus will (1) make you remarkable and worse, (2) invite interaction. 

Wear Jewelry With Caution

Don’t wear any jewelry. Jewelry gives you an identity so unless you’re in a dire situation where you plan on eventually using it as leverage or to trade, don’t wear any. 

Look as boring and drab as you possibly can. 

Gear And Accessories

Prepping for SHTF will unwittingly leave you with a collection of reliable tools and equipment to support you during emergencies. Some will look like everyday items, some might not. 

Here are some pointers you need to keep in mind when it comes to using your trusty tools:

Use Your Tactical Gear Discreetly

Loud tactical gear and clothing can hurt more than help in times of distress. People will be frantic and desperate, so seeing tactical gear becomes a large green light for any looters. Nothing screams “I have everything you might ever need” louder than specifically-designed tactical gear. 

But that doesn’t mean that you need to stop filling your stash with high-quality gear. They will save your life, or at least make it a thousand times easier. But while they’re helpful, find a way to use them discreetly. 

So what do you do instead?

Conceal Your Tools In Everyday Looking Items

Use school bags, flimsy, or run-down backpacks in a neutral color. You can even use diaper bags or guitar cases. Make use of everyday things to store your food and tools when you’re out to get supplies, and especially when you’re discreetly moving to another location.

Dress Quiet

Make sure that your clothing or gear does not produce sounds. 

When you’re bugging out, pack your tools and supplies tightly so as to make the least noise when you transport them. As for your person, try to exist as quietly as possible.

Some fabrics make noise when they are rubbed together and you don’t want that when you’re trying to avoid attention. Don’t use unnecessary keychains that will make a sound when you’re on the move, or loud zippers. You can’t be stealthy when something clinks and clanks every 2 seconds.

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How To Behave Like A Gray Man

Being a gray man goes beyond dressing up like one. A few key points you need to remember aside from the visual aspect of the gray man are the following:

The Mannerisms Of A Gray Man

The word that best describes a gray man’s mannerisms is discreet. Despite the fact that the gray man is hyper aware of their surroundings, they still keep a discreet way of keeping tabs.

Blend Into The Movement Of The Baseline

Watch how people in your surroundings act then do the same. Are people scared and flustered because the water lines are cut off? Don’t act all cheeky because you have gallons stored in food-grade containers; act as worried as everyone else in your environment.

Are you in transit to another location and you’re a little bit lost? Doesn’t matter. Act like you’re supposed to be where you are. Looking like a deer in the headlights signals weakness and makes you vulnerable.

Avoid Eye Contact And Getting Into Lengthy Conversations

Eye contact welcomes interaction. When you’re bugging out and trying to breeze through a heavily-populated area, avoid eye contact with anyone.

When you’re bugging in, avoid getting into lengthy conversations with your neighbors. Keep it to a minimum so you can blend in without raising any flags. Steer clear from expressing your political views so as to not give away any hint that you might have a stocked-up basement. 

Avoid Impressionable Smells

Being a gray man is a holistic deal. You must not attract any attention with your looks, sound, and yes – smell. Turning heads with your smell – whether in a good way or a bad way – is a no go for a gray man. Use unscented deodorants and soaps because a gray man cannot afford to be either overly fragrant nor putrid.

The Gray Man In Action

How you move and maneuver through situations makes the difference between your safety and danger. As a gray man, here are some things you need to keep in mind when you’re on the move:

Practice Situational Awareness

What Is Situational Awareness

Situational awareness can sound a lot like living in paranoia.

Basically, situational awareness is being conscious about your surroundings, the events, and the changes that happen in it. Developing situational awareness allows you to quickly judge and make decisions during times of distress. When you’re aware of what is normal to your surroundings, you can easily spot nuisances and quickly act when things go awry.

Bugging Out

Be Mindful

When you plan to bug out, don’t load up your vehicle with tools and supplies during the daytime when everyone can see you, or early at night when it’s dark and quiet. Hauling your gear and stocks becomes suspicious during these times. 

Survey your neighborhood and properly gauge the time you can move without raising any flags – preferably when people are occupied. If you’re lucky enough, you can chance upon a bigger distraction such as an emergency/ambulance or anything loud and rowdy like a riot. 

Prepare Your Route

Always keep in mind to know your terrain like a native. You must know your surroundings like the back of your hand. In preparing your route, you must know the following:

Find which neighborhoods are safe and which ones are dangerous.

Be aware of any streets which are/may be blocked. Plan at least 3 different routes as contingency.

Predict where most of the foot traffic will be.

Plot choke points. Choke points are areas where people will most likely flock to during emergencies such as police stations, hospitals and clinics, convenience stores, gas stations, banks, drug stores and pharmacies, and etc.

Know which streets are lit during the night, and which ones are dark.

Practice Strategic Avoidance 

It is important to prepare your route so you can practice strategic avoidance. Strategic avoidance means staying away from unnecessary interactions and distractions. 

When a disaster strikes, there will be a sudden surge of demand for supplies, people can become irate and violent, which is why it is best to avoid high-density population areas and choke points when you’re in transit.

Bugging In

Being a gray man is not only useful when you’re on the move, you can also apply these tactics when you plan to bug in.

Keep It Dark

When you bug in and the power goes down, keep your home as dark as everyone else regardless if you have an alternative power source or not.

Act Depleted

This is a supplement to our previous tip which is to act scared during a crisis. When it’s been a few days and the food sources outside have run empty, act depleted. Your daily needs may be met, but don’t act like you’ve had enough food and water when the rest of your surroundings are starved and dehydrated.

Common Mistakes

The rule of thumb of being a gray man is to be UNDETECTABLE. When you’re bugging out alone or with your family in the midst of social unrest, self-preservation means not being a target of looters. 

One of the most common mistakes of prepping is being complacent that you have all the supplies you might need. You do not win the battle by having a fully-stocked prepper pantry. As with most disasters, prevention is better than cure.

You do not become a gray man WHEN disaster strikes. You become a gray man even BEFORE SHTF. 

Let’s agree that the first rule of prep club is that you don’t talk about prep club. Don’t announce that you’re prepping for when SHTF. Don’t go bragging to the neighbors that you’re all stocked up because guess who’ll they run to first when their food runs out? 

When building your inventory of survival food, water, and supplies, order in increments.  Don’t attract any attention by ordering in huge volumes of survival food or gear, and raise curiosity from other people.

For added insurance, erase all traces and hints of preparedness by shredding the shipping labels when you get deliveries. If you want to take it a step further, we recommend that you bring your trash/packing boxes to a recycling bin immediately after you’ve opened them. It sounds a little paranoid, but it’s so your nosy neighbors can’t find out which companies you get deliveries from. 

Sharpening The Saw

Being a gray man comes with awareness, agility, and quick-thinking. In the same way that being a gray man doesn’t happen overnight, these skills need to be developed and mastered in order to use them effectively.

Here are few things you can do to sharpen and master these skills: 

Practice Seeing A Gray Man

Go into a public place with a large volume of people. Observe the crowd and watch each individual that passes by. Look closely and make a mental list of any stimulus that catches your attention. It could be their clothes, the way they walk, the sound they make, their smell, etc.

After a while, you will chance upon an individual who will not raise any flags. That person does not necessarily stand out and will not ring any bells. Pay full attention to that person. What are they wearing? How are they moving? How are they behaving? How do they act? 

In mimicking a real-life gray man, you can put your theory to practice and try for yourself how to effectively become a gray man.

Practicing Situational Awareness

You can practice this exercise anywhere, but this will be highly beneficial when you are in new or foreign surroundings. You can do this first in your home, office, and other places you frequent which can provide you with a solid baseline. This can easily help you feel any changes in the environment. However, to effectively practice situational awareness, you must also expose yourself to new environments to sharpen your senses.

Observe your surroundings. What is happening around you? Is there a large amount of foot traffic? Are your surroundings quiet or loud? What are people there for? Are they generally calm or are they worried? Establish a baseline for your environment.

Pull away from any distractions like your phone or music. Imagine if anything were to happen at that exact moment, do you know where the exits are? How can you safely escape the area? Are there hazards you need to watch out for?

Situational awareness is incredibly useful in terms of maneuvering your way through emergencies, or keeping yourself safe. 

Final Thoughts

Being a gray man is an important skill to learn in the name of self-preservation. The gray man mindset is crucial to keeping safe and prepared during dire scenarios. As simple as it may sound, it takes a lot of discipline to truly become a gray man but all the work becomes worth it when you’re safe and secured in the midst of external turmoil.

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